Kwynn's Song

Soleia 0.113 It is important that you don't think I write this just to sound clever or caring.  This isn't the show...the spectacle of loving you.  I really more than anything want to give you an accounting of who you were before you could remember who you were - Soleia, before Soleia knew what a 'Soleia' was. So much of what we are and what we think we are, is what is told to us about ourselves by others.  It creates this outline that we fill in with our actions and behaviours, our reactions, our fears, our hopes and our dreams.  But the outline is sometimes so restrictive that it keeps us from filling out things that others simply don't see. There is this tension between freedom and structure that exists in the universe.  When I tell you something about yourself am I imposing my understanding upon you, limiting your freedom to be what you choose?  Or am I simply informing you of something that is actually there, giving you a structure and framework ...

Soleia 0.106 I hope that you never think me heartless.  I can see how your mother is with you and I know what I must be to you.  She will be soft so I must be hard.  I must be hard so that you can be both. In your life, you will meet people and mostly be able to safely and quickly dismiss them as one or the other.  Wishy-washy people who go back on their word, dream without taking action, and consider an insult equivalent to a violation.  Boring, anal, impatient people set in their ways, conflating rudeness for confidence, volume for persuasion and proud of their pig-headedness, their stubborness, their ignorance. Learn from these people, Kwynn.  Learn from their faults.  Learn what not to do and how not to be yourself. Even in moments of solidity, liquids can form.  I like to think of myself as ice: cold and rational with respect to what must be done for you.  I've been ice since you were born - winter ice, the ice that doesn't melt ...