Kwynn's Song

Soleia 0.4 This isn't easy.  My nerves are frayed.  Funnily enough, I'm actually past the point of laughter... Startling in a way - I didn't think I had that point.  I looked down at you just now and couldn't laugh at how awful this was.  It was just awful - with nothing else that I could take away. You cry - water running from the Sun.  It's unnatural - the Sun crying and the way that you cry.  You have that higher level.  It stops being crying.  It goes past screaming, past bawling, past wailing, to some other word that I can't think of now.  I can't think of most words now, being as tired as I am. If I heard the sound you were making and weren't looking at you, I'd think that someone was lowering you very slowly into boiling oil.  That is literally the only thing I could think of someone doing to me that might make me make that sound.  The only thing.  Not having my arm sawed off with a butter knife.  Not being castrated by running my boy pa

Soleia 0.15 We're still giddy. Your caput is still large.  It worries your mother. I've taken the night shifts with you, seeing you through and making sure that the most important investment in and of our lives is still there for us when the dawn comes.  SIDS is, to us, a far worse acronym than HIV, or MAD.  We are literally more afraid of SIDS than we are of nuclear holocaust.  One keeps us up at night and the other doesn't. Even now you smile and while I might wonder if you even know what happiness is, I don't care what makes your lips curl.  All I know is what it does to my heart when they do. The Solstice has finally come, the longest day of the year.  But for your mother and me, the Solstice will always be June 6th - the day that our sunshine without end began. - Papa

Soleia 0.8 Einstein wrote that what can be seen by the light of knowledge is inconsequential to the magnitude of the ignorance represented by the surrounding darkness.  I feel that when I look at you, when I talk to your mother.  When she talks about sore nipples, or tenderness where you exited her body, I shake my head at how I could have gone so long without knowing any of these details.  When I look at your face as you sleep and see expressions fluctuate between deeply pained expressions to serene, carefree smiles in the span of a few seconds, I wonder how come I've never read of such things, of the magical experience of observing the newly born. What could be happening behind those eyelids, I wonder?  You were like a seed growing in the fertile soil of your mother's body and now you are a seed again.  But this time the seed is your mind: we fertilize it with kisses and touch and words, and in another way with breastmilk and formula and sunlight and vitamin D drops.  To l

Soleia 0.2 How is a star born ? " A star is born when atoms of light elements are squeezed under enough pressure for their nuclei to undergo fusion. All stars are the result of a balance of forces: the force of gravity compresses atoms in interstellar gas until the fusion reactions begin. And once the fusion reactions begin, they exert an outward pressure. As long as the inward force of gravity and the outward force generated by the fusion reactions are equal, the star remains stable." Light elements - a seed from your mother and a seed from me.  2 nuclei.  Fusion - the fire that comes from two things being pressed so close together that they become one...Outward pressure - one cell turns to two, two turn to four.  A few months later, you've certain expanded.  Suddenly you're pressing against your mother's bladder.  She has to pee every 5 minutes. There was a time before you existed.  I barely remember it too. You'll go on Youtube and watch the video