Soleia 1.85 The sun rose at 645 today. You hadn’t slept long enough. You had been set to bed late the night before. We went to have breakfast and give Mama the morning to herself before she had to depart. You dipped behind the clouds on the way home, dimming the daylight. Like I said, you hadn’t slept enough and this time you would hide your light all the way to noon. The ride to Nana and Grandpa’s was uneventful. You ate Multi-grain Cheerios the whole way, making eyes at passengers and at your father for the entire journey. You were dimming again as Grandpa picked us up from the RT station at McCowan. It wouldn’t be long before you’d need another nap and I readied myself to the task of finding a relatively quiet room in the house were you might go under. But once we settled into Nana and Grandpa’s bed in the darkened room, I could here the weezing and gasping that you made from beneath your pacifier on the bed beside me. You couldn’t breath – your nos
Soleia 0.147 You've gone through phases. Like seasons in miniature. Babies lose weight after they're born - the transition off of intervenous nutrition from your mother is sometimes tenuous. It isn't hard to imagine why: the foreign nature of coordinating the needs of a new little crying leech with the uneven and novel production of milk in your mother's breasts...Mama tried her best. She really wanted it. She wanted to love it, the process of nursing you and feeding you from her body as she had when you were inside of her. But there was too much anxiety, too much uncertainty. Too much work and too much coordinating when the outcome was unsure. You had needs that her body couldn't provide - even when it could sometimes the fit between the two of you wasn't good. There were too many moving parts at a time when we were desperately looking for the least troublesome way to make sure you were doing the one thing you had to do: grow. Mama decided that we